I always imagined that when I became a mother I would have these stair step children perfectly spaced two years apart. They would all grow up together and I would be out of the "baby years" by my early 30's. Life has a funny way of surprising us doesn't it?
While I can appreciate the closeness of small age gaps (my own sister and I are a mere 23 months apart and there's something to be said for having a companion that goes though major life experiences at roughly the same time as you) I can also assure you that there are pros to having children with large age gaps.
My first and second are 8.5 years apart, the next two (middle and youngest) are 5 years apart with the largest gap being nearly 14 years (between my oldest and youngest).
There is no "right or wrong" when it comes to child spacing. It's truly a unique and personal decision for each family. But, if you're like me and thought you'd have your children close together and then felt the panic setting in when that next baby didn't come when you thought they would or should (for whatever reason), read on!
Here are 5 Pros to having children with large age gaps.
- The older child can help out. This is one of the most obvious perks there is. Older kids really can be a huge help when you have a new baby. And those big kids continue to grow, mature and be even more help in the years to come as the little ones enter the toddler and early childhood years (hello-built in babysitter!) The older sibling providing care for the younger sibling creates an amazing bond. It's so special to me as a mom to see my infant being rocked to sleep by his older brother.
- Sibling rivalry is less extreme. I won't go so far as to say it's non-existant but it's far less of an issue. They just don't have much to fight over. They're in totally different age groups so they don't share much of the same stuff. A lot of times what they consider "playing together" you'll realize is really the older one completely entertaining the younger one (see the photos below!) which is a win for me! They'll still find stuff to bicker over (my husband and I jokingly refer to my middle child and oldest as an "old married couple" because while they love each other dearly-they will get to bickering sometimes in a way that really is reminiscent of Fred and Ethyl Mertz from "I Love Lucy")
- Some of those common "baby costs" are broken up into bite size chunks instead of having them overlap. Diapers, child care, car seats...all easier to pay for when you are doing it one (maybe two) at a time every few years. That monthly diaper bill can really creep up there if you've got two or more in diapers at a time. Having one or two in car seats and passing them down as they out grow them is easier than having to buy 3-4 carseats at a time (and repeat that process for booster seats!). I loved only ever having to deal with a single stroller for my kids. Double strollers can be a real pain and each time I needed a stroller for the new baby, the child that came before had outgrown their stroller days.
- By the time each new baby comes, you've had a few years to catch up on sleep, enjoy date nights again and just have it somewhat easy for a little while. You've had time to really strengthen your bond with your older kids. You're able to get valuable one on one time with each child during their baby days because they're truly the only "baby" in the house.
- It delays being an empty nester. I always imagined having a large family and loved the idea of a house full of kids. That isn't how it worked out for us, but I think these large age gaps are the next best thing! If I'd only had 2-3 children and had them 2 years apart I could realistically expect to have an empty nest sometime in the next 7 or 8 years. Instead, I've got 3 kids and a good 18 years left with someone at home. I realize this one may seem more like a con to some of you LOL! Call me crazy-I love spending my days with these little people and I don't want to rush them out into that world any sooner than they have to go!
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